Infidelity is a hard pill to swallow…What is it about infidelity anyway that drives us in the way that we are driven because of it—be it rage, resignation, disillusionment, despair, judgment or justice?

In my innocent mind when I was in grade school I often puzzled about the tag “kabit”, “kulasisi”, kalaguyo and other term they describe someone who is in illicit affair. I asked why a successful, married woman spends precious time and hard-earned money investigating the whereabouts of her husband. And now, I’m still confronted with the realities of difficult relationship challenges, and the questions continue although on some levels they have become more complex. My response, however, hasn’t changed.

Why not go directly to the source of your anxiety, fears, and grief where you can exercise your ability to effectively impact the situation?

Why not go to your partner—the person in relationship with you? What do you stand to lose that has not already been lost with the infidelity? What is there to be gained in pursuing anyone other than your partner, as far as the future of your relationship is concerned? Familiar answers include fears about losing the relationship, uncovering other, and perhaps more painful issues, and simply not wanting to deal with what is believed to be unchangeable. What is it about infidelity that annoys and even paralyzes us to the point where the ability to act as we need to in the interest of our well-being and relationships is seriously hampered?

To know what annoys us about infidelity we need to know what’s so important about fidelity. Why do we hate infidelity? The answer to that is linked to beliefs about the value of fidelity.

Despite the changes in the sexual mores of modern pinoy life, the majority of us still seek to entrust ourselves to someone special in an exclusive, and complete unity of oneness. We desire to be treated as a means in our self.

Infidelity effectively assaults both of these intentions.

It conspires against the love we seek to give and receive in relationship because it treats us as a means to an end. It denies the absolute beauty and integrity of the dignity of being a couple leaving us defaced, broken, and at odds with each other. And as science has shown that human bonding and attachment is every bit a biological experience as it is emotional, mental, and social, the damage of infidelity is really quite significant.

Someone once explained it this way. Human bonding is a lot like super glue—intended for the long-term…permanent. Like super glue, if we bond and pull away there is always some degree of damage. And, if you’ve ever had the unfortunate accident of having super glued two fingers together…you know the pain and difficulty severance brings on.

In the end, we hate infidelity because it betrays and slays us like nothing else can.

Becoming aware takes guts because you need to be willing to get at the truth about self. Most of us are convinced we know the truth about the other…and that may be true…how in tune are we to the truth about self! Relating well is tough at times, but always worth it!

Ask yourself this? Which woman or man is smarter, the one who is being cheated on or the mistress?
The situation mistress stand with this she has all (or most) of the benefits of the relationship with none (okay with out MOST) of the baggage. She doesn’t feel the pain from the wondering, fights to leave, and agony of finding out that the person you love and trusted and gave everything to betrayed you. And trying to forgive him of the pain he put on you when confronted, because the answer is one or the other. “I admit it and will stop, It will never happen again” – load of crap and 2 months later you find the same thing. Or “I am leaving you for her.”

I think infidelity annoys us so much because we don’t truly understand it. We all have this ideal of what we want our relationship to be, and how can you trust someone who is unfaithful to you. And the answer is “You can’t”. But when in the situation the hardest thing to do is to leave, and I think the reasons are just as confusing and frustrating as the annoyances with the cheating significant other.

You will be on your own you may have to move, explain the situation to the kids (if any), struggle with the finances on your own, not to mention splitting up all of the assets the two of you have acquired over the years, and the pain behind all of that, knowing that there were so many lies intertwined with what you built is truly devastating. Then you are now lonely. Imagine that, after all of the time and love and effort you put in to someone you are now the one who comes home to an empty house, you crawl in bed at night without the comfort of your loved one, you answer and do EVERYTHING for the kids. The thoughts are really scary.

If you choose to stay in the relationship you NEED counseling, I feel that this will only delay the break-up process if you don’t, Think about it . . . You are hurt and the only one you want to speak to it about is the one who hurt you. You have to look at him and with out a mediator search for the answers you seek. Your crying, upset and most of all, trying to act like it is “Okay” most of the time creating this elephant in the room. And as time passes the scars are still there but they begin to lighten, and he stays late at work. What are you thinking? He spends more time on the computer, What are you thinking?

Then there is the mistress, all she gets is the benefits of their relationship. She does what she wants, answers to nothing and at the end of the day 90% of the time, she knows about the main squeeze in the mans life. Maybe not at first, but she will shortly know that he is married or in a serious relationship otherwise. So she gets the late party nights (remember those days:)) less stress and in the end she has so little invested that she probably wont hesitate to call things off and move to the next guy married or not. She wont get the pleasure of the family time (or the stress) and has little to non of the fights. She does go to sleep alone at night (unless she is two timing herself) she has to answer only to herself. She will lay in bed at night wishing it was her he was in bed with, wishing he didn’t have to leave when they were together and wanting more from the relationship then he is willing to give. So it isn’t perfect for her, but who is smarter?

Then there is the man, he has the “privileged” of being with two different? women. He has the stress of lying to his significant other hiding what he is doing and juggling the emotions of 2 women (that can be hard for a woman herself!), and laying in bed wondering what he is doing with these two women. Yes his life is hard to, but that is because of what he is doing, and so what if is life with his significant other stresses him out, that is LIFE! Yeah, I am sure she sits at home with the kids she loves and adores, or working and handling all of the responsibilities she has, but does she use that as an excuse to have her a hot little side dish. For what ever reason I will never understand the mind of an adulterer.

And I do feel there is a difference from playing the field and all out cheating. When you are playing the field both parties are aware of what is going on and not that it makes it okay but there isn’t a foundation the infidelity destroys. So all thought the actions are the same it is easier to swallow.

Why does infidelity annoy us so much? because we trust that our partners are just as morally upstanding as we are.

Work from home opportunities require dedication and real work. It is not much different from any full time job. You need to have a positive attitude to get thing done and succeeding in a work at home business environment.

To work from home, you need to find out what your are passionate about. Do some market research whether the home business opportunities or freelance job is profitable. Also find out is there high demand in the market on the freelance opportunities.

One of the best ways to ensure success as a freelancer or home based business is to start part-time while holding a full-time job. However, when do you know it’s time to let go of your full time job?

The following list will help you decide if it’s time to make the decision to quit your full time job to full-time freelancer and home based business.

1) Find out if you are really benefit from your home based business. Freelancer, who are working from home usually see their business growing after the first few months. However, the business might slows down for many reasons, one of which may be that you are not able to concentrate on the business activities due to work timings imposed by your full time job.

2) Usually through a work at home business opportunity, you save both traveling costs and time. You enjoy flexibility, work timings and convenience too. When working at home, you are under less pressure and stress.

3) Ask yourself if you are capable of working from home. According to home business experts, before quitting your office job, it is better to stick with a home based business for at least one year to get an insight about the pro and cons of the home based business. That way, you will get an opportunity to check out all possible trends, which may occur within a year of managing a home business.

4) Freelancer who work at home also need to have persistence and perseverance. It is just like been your own boss and owning a home office.

5) Consider a comfortable and suitable place, which should offer maximum privacy and allows full concentration to run your business. Additionally, while you work at home, it is good to seek the support of experienced home based workers, as they may come up with valuable ideas which may be vital for the growth of your business.

6) You also need consider how to manage your finances. When you quit your full time job, the earnings fluctuate depending on the income drawn by working from home. Therefore, you need to plan your finances to cover childcare, daily expenses, mortgage payments and unforeseen emergencies. Check for any sound contingency plan that will take care of your financial problems in case your work at home business fails to drive a sound profit, as a preventive measure.

Finally, the right time to quit your full time job is when the home business earnings are at least the same as the income you get from the office job.

In my next post some trusted sites for freelancer to bid projects and win trusted clients.

If God’s will for us is to “give thanks in everything,” I truly believe that he had a great reason for wanting to act on this principle.

Our human nature is often very negative and self-centered. We look for the big things in life to be taken care of rather than being aware of how many small, very important things, have been given to us and provided for us. We complain about the color of our kitchen counter tops and the butcher block pattern, wishing for a new bright ivory ceramic tile. We forget to be thankful for having a place in which we can cook a hot meal or live in a country where foodstuffs are so readily available. We can complain about people touching our new carpet or furniture or messing up our house, forgetting to be thankful for the gift of friends with whom we can share the blessings God has given us!

Even in times of great sorrow and grief, there are things to truly be thankful for!

How about the ability to cry? Without it ,we would never understand the joy of it’s opposite. Laughter! When we struggle, we usually find that it drives us to a place of re-prioritizing our way of living and eventually, we find ourselves very thankful for the crisis or event that caused us to get our lives back on track! We receive the grace of friends who support us in our sorrow. Even our hardest grief is a reminder of the blessing of a person whose absence we will deeply miss. Yes! “In everything give thanks!”

How often have you been given a small gift or a word of encouragement by a friend or a fellow employee, but have taken for granted that your thanks was graciously expressed? It shows a tremendous amount of character in an individual when she is willing to invest a few moments to say thank you!

In our society, the three words “I love you” can become shallow and empty. Often the statement “prove it” is the follow up reaction, spoken or unspoken, from the opposite party. I personally feel that the two words “thank you” can also be very “surfacy.” They are often just two, quick, auto-programmed words that are just “thrown out there” due to socially expected etiquette. Underneath, in our hearts, the graciousness of what we’ve received escapes us.

Let’s not let our lives get so busy and so self-absorbed, that we forget to communicate genuine thank you’s to those who have blessed us. Let’s not let our frantic lives rob us of the gift of saying “Thank you!” to others and to God.

When we take the time to quiet ourselves and write out our feelings of gratitude to someone, something truly wonderful happens — both for them and for us. As we remember the act of kindness or gift given, we get to re-live the moment. We get to taste the feeling we had all over again! It also causes us to realize that the giver of the gift truly invested some of her or his valuable time, money, talent and soul in our life!

“Wow! Somebody cared enough to take time out to show love and concern for my well-being! They proved it by their actions.” So! If we really appreciate what someone has done, let’s prove it by our words of thanks expressed in the form of written words they can read and keep.

I would like to challenge and encourage you to love and value those who have extended their love and friendship to you. Take time to clearly and sincerely express your thanks in written form. Friendships are deepened, relationships are strengthened, and above all the desire of God’s heart for our lives is fulfilled by our giving thanks…in everything!

I sincerely thanks someone in my past who made me who I am now…He teaches me everything I need to know about life, love and survival…because if those things DIDN’T happened to me, I still struggle to find ME..sometimes we need to lost something very valuable in able for us to find ourselves AGAIN..
and for that I THANK YOU!!!